Der Wiels On Del Bosque Go Round And Round…Team Of South Africa 2010

Right. The time has come to issue our Team Of The Tournament. Although my absolute favourite player-in-song-title from South Africa 2010 is ‘Ello John, Got Inamoto? (credit to Dan), I’ve gone for an eleven that reflects performances on the park.

A couple of parish notices. Eye Of The Schweinsteiger is asked to play the defensive midfield role he’s used to fulfilling for his club, rather than operating in the more advanced position from which he thrived in South Africa. Mary Had A Little Lahm comes in at left back, where he’s equally comfortable as in his usual right-sided station. Unlucky absentees are Rockin’ Robben and Hold Me Klose (himself a late replacement for Don’t Stand So Klose To Me).

I’ve plumped for a 4-4-2, which has the flexibility to become 4-5-1 with Villa The World slotting into a wide left midfield berth; or 4-3-3 if Sneijders On The Storm and Villa The World push forward to flank I Can’t Help Forlan In Love With You; or even 4-1-4-1 or 4-1-3-2 with Eye Of The Schweinsteiger in that withdrawn role. Players’ numbers are, broadly speaking, those that correspond to the evolved 4-4-2 system. For a full explanation of how each number came to represent a particular position, see the excellent Inverting The Pyramid, by Jonathan Wilson:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Inverting-Pyramid-History-Football-Tactics/dp/0752889958

(That’ll be a tenner, Troph).

That South Africa World Cup XI in full, then:

1. Villar So Vain
2. Oh Maicon I Can’t Believe It
3. Mary Had A Little Lahm
4. Eye Of The Schweinsteiger
5. Puyol Live In A Yellow Submarine
6. Lugano Go Far, Kid
7. Mueller Kintyre
8. Iniesta-day
9. Villa The World
10. I Can’t Help Forlan In Love With You
11. Sneijders On The Storm

And it would be remiss not to put forward an All-Time XI.

Imagine I Wish I Was A Little Bit Augenthaler and Sweet Charlton Mine (Jack) bearing down on you from centre half, with All I Need Is Vieira I Breathe ‘protecting’ them!

It’s a funny old world where Bobby Charlton misses out and brother Jackie gets the nod. But the way I see it, the elder Charlton has lived in his brother’s shadow too long, the poor lad (or ‘laird’, as Big Jack would have it).

All-time World Cup XI:

1. We’re Zoff To See The Wizard
2. Are You Cohen To Scarborough Fayre?
3. While My Guitar Gentile Weeps
4. All I Need Is Vieira I Breathe
5. Sweet Charlton Mine
6. I Wish I Was A Little Bit Augenthaler
7. The Future’s So Breitner I Gotta Wear Shades
8. Whiskey In The Jairzinho
9. When Eusebio Nothing At All
10. Pele That Funky Music
11. Waddle You Wanna Make Those Eyes At Me For?

Thanks for reading, thanks for contributing. More sport-related japery soon.